où appartiens-je ?

..it has been brought to my attention that "this too will pass". sometimes we frame our thoughts and forget that nothing is the be all and end all. i look back and see the difficulties i've experienced and know i could've shaved off a few years of wandering but then again it's not in my nature to regret my actions. i never doubt my decisions and think that the word regret is a silly word.

i often wonder when it was that i lost my confidence. was it at age four when my skin was bandaged to cover the weeping? was it when i was seven and bernice told me courtney was close to being better? or maybe it was much later..when i went back to school and wasn't the brightest kid anymore. sad thoughts used to consume me. the laughing stopped for a long time.

i've always felt that i don't belong here. there's a separation like oil and water that rubs me up the wrong way. but then i wonder where do i belong? where is place that makes me smile and amuses my intellect?

for the time being i think the smaller things in life will have to suffice for my happiness. appreciating the blue sky, being kissed, summer afternoons, having him smile, my curiosity and dreaming of what is to come.