où appartiens-je ?

..it has been brought to my attention that "this too will pass". sometimes we frame our thoughts and forget that nothing is the be all and end all. i look back and see the difficulties i've experienced and know i could've shaved off a few years of wandering but then again it's not in my nature to regret my actions. i never doubt my decisions and think that the word regret is a silly word.

i often wonder when it was that i lost my confidence. was it at age four when my skin was bandaged to cover the weeping? was it when i was seven and bernice told me courtney was close to being better? or maybe it was much later..when i went back to school and wasn't the brightest kid anymore. sad thoughts used to consume me. the laughing stopped for a long time.

i've always felt that i don't belong here. there's a separation like oil and water that rubs me up the wrong way. but then i wonder where do i belong? where is place that makes me smile and amuses my intellect?

for the time being i think the smaller things in life will have to suffice for my happiness. appreciating the blue sky, being kissed, summer afternoons, having him smile, my curiosity and dreaming of what is to come.

to notice the cobbled streets

On the streets of the campus there are so many students in their own world. You see it in their friends, fashion and smile, or lack there of. There is a slight air of stress and unhappiness like in the"real world" where real people havereal jobs that make them "really happy" (smerk).

So what is it about being on holiday that we stop

and breathe? We cock our heads and look

at the cobbled streets,noticethe coloured shutters. All of a sudden the weather becomes relevant, the people we are walking by catch our attention.

So, why does that feeling slip through our fingers so easily when we return to the norm?

Have you ever noticed no matter how suppressed our happiness and self are you can't help but express yourself often unconsciously? You see it in people being drawn into strange hobbies like dragon boat racing, wearing colours that shouldn't be put together with a print that allows us to imagine the wearer just turned into a large leopard or withdrawing altogether into a book for escape.

How people react to real life is immensely interesting. How people fight the urge to do what they really want is just perplexing.

I wonder.. what would make us stop and throw in the towel? Why do we separate ourselves from our dreams? J'ai deteste being told i can't do something or reach for a far away dream.

It's my dream.

It's my light

It's what makes my life "real".

We should dream more.

Some of my favourite moments happen when I'm pondering.

Whether it's about the new Wang shoes, what I wa

nt from today or how the stranger beside me on the tra

in feels. I think I get something out of inner reflection and love doing it in my spare time. Hmm, did i just realise my strange

hobby that belongs in the same category as dragon boat racing?

when in rome..

Arrivederci a tempo, and ciao ciao to Italia. Sun, wine and fashion fills the streets from north to the most south of Italy. It's not so much fashion but lifestyle that influences their style.

First was Roma. The street lined with the coveted was Via del Corso. Stone buildings as old as time have been transformed into Zara, KiKi and the high end of Ferragamo. All on trend according to Vogue this month. The city attracts the rest of world annually and shows off what the world started as and how far it has come by its youth.

Looking past Rome we were trained to Firenze in the North. Peaceful, clean, with a scent of money in the streets. The streets at night glowed with warm street lights and the young. The mix of europeans are still present here which brings a culture with it. Nike sneakers are big here as they are in Napoli with the punks and the youth. Paired with jeans and a Diesel tee and you're in. Not my kind of...pizza? but a definite style in Florence.

As we moved south the Australian and American accents lessened and the pace people moved at was like time was a fad that had passed. The style was older and more conserved in a blazing bella Italiana. The beauty of Positano and Amalfi could be compared to the mouth gape David gives you from his well detailed...so Sicily on Saint Maria's public holiday is a local culture feast. Thousands of people. Loud western disco (the smaller the car, the louder the music apparently) and old people taking their time makes you stop like ur breathing it all in on the island of Capri.

Making our way down the country gave an insight into the culture change and trends kept and dropped. Blown away and yet more at home with it. Go figure. ciao for now x

a lost dreamer.

"The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet. "
Andy Warhol

Is that what we think about life? We reach for the unreachable, we dream of the unobtainable and get a high from just the thought that our lives could actually be complete. Why do we refuse to obtain it?

There are the few of us that can shine like the stars in the sky but it is those few that can have difficulties in being brought back down to earth to shine. I look towards my troubled idols, Yves, Andy, Basquiat.

I realise they aren't the only talented souls that had to fight for their passion's freedom.

Millions of us wander the streets looking for their passion in life..or just the courage to do what they know they're gifted at. What is it that holds us back? With so much beauty in the world, why are we all sitting on the couch? Who told everyone that the unreachable can't be reached?

Who said I can't be Andy?